I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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