dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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