apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
