I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
