You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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