Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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