Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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