There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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