What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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