I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I met the friendliest cop last night
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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