My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
