Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
