So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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