I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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