Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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