Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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