so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
