I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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