They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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