just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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