Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
