so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
