Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
