plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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