the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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