I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
