There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
