we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
