i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
