no, he came in my armpit
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
