Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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