I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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