Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize