dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So much Jack, so little girl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
