Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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