did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
