i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
