What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize
