I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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