Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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