I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
