Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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