I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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