Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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