We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
