i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
