his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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