At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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