Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
