my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
