I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
