she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
