idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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