How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
