Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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