i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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